Sucks
by Let's Call Her The Tarryn
Summary: She wasn't supposed to be this girl. But her actions spoke louder than anything. And if she wasn't this kind of girl, she wouldn't be with Derek. She wouldn't be the 'Other Girl'. But no matter what, that's what she was.


Just another story.

I've actually had this done for a while, but haven't submitted it.

I don't expect anything great from this, but it's something.

Enjoy!

x--

Casey slammed her bedroom door shut, panting for breath. She could feel the stains her tears had made on her face, but she forced herself to stop crying. _Because it shouldn't matter_. She told herself. _Because_ _he shouldn't matter._ Of course, she knew he did matter. But she'd never admit it. Not out loud. Not at the front of her mind. Only in the deepest crevice of her mind, where everything was mangled and dark. There she admitted it. But it caused her stomach to twist into knots, even then. Bile rose in her throat as she thought of what she had seen. But knowing that she was so upset about it was what caused her to empty her stomach into a wastebasket by her desk.

Casey sat up, wiping her mouth on her shaking arm, and got up to sit on her bed, where she promptly put her head between her knees. She tried to force the picture out of her head. She had seen it so many times before. But it was different now. And now, the reaction was always like torture for her. And she almost wanted to hate herself, almost as much as she wanted to hate him. But she knew she could do neither.

Casey lifted her head and blinked at the door when she heard a soft knock. Knowing who it was, she didn't want to deal with it, but it was impossible to keep herself from saying, "Come in." weakly.

The door cracked open slightly, and Derek poked his head in. Seeing Casey on the bed, looking disheveled and like a wreck, he allowed himself to slip in, silently closing the door behind him. He stood, without a word, by the door, staring at her, as she stared at the floor. After a several minutes of silence, Derek spoke.

"I'm sorry, Case."

When Casey didn't reply, he continued.

"Kendra went home..." he said as if to reassure her.

Casey looked at him. She wished her face was covered in disgust, but she knew the most it was was placid.

"I didn't mean for you to see that." he whispered.

"Like I wouldn't have known what was going on, anyway." Casey managed to say. She promised herself, once more, she wouldn't cry. Her tears were useless, she knew. They wouldn't remove her from this place she put herself in.

"That's the point! I wish there was nothing for you to know! Nothing for you to have to cry about." Derek let out a frustrated groan, stepping toward Casey.

"I want to make this easier."

"But it's not going to get easier, Derek." Casey sighed. "This is wrong in more ways than one. Two very important ways, and you know it."

"But Case-"

"You have a girlfriend, Derek. And we both know that the exclusive one is _not_ me."

"Casey, I just-"

"And I'm your step-sister. _Step-sister_. Related by marriage of _my_ mother and _your_ father."

"I know, Casey! I know all this. You don't think it's always with me. It's like a freaking shadow!" Derek said, a little more loud than he had meant.

"You chose to keep it there, Derek. It's not going away, until you make it. Until you choose." Casey said.

When Derek didn't reply, Casey did.

"You're not going to choose. We both know it. But I can choose! And I choose not to torture myself over something that is only going in circles. I choose to stop feeling like I'm a whore. I choose-"

Derek knelt down so that he was level with her from where she was sitting on the bed.

"Case, we'll get through this." He reached out and brushed hair out of her eyes gently. "I promise. We'll be together, you'll see. We just have to let things play out. Hang in there with me, Case. Hang in there."

Unwillingly, Casey nodded silently. She was disgusted with herself. She hated how he could just tear away everything she was standing for and make her do what he wanted. She knew it wasn't going to be okay. She knew she was right: That she was putting herself through a maze of confusion that would amount to nothing. Derek wasn't worth this. But inside she felt he was. She wasn't supposed to be this girl. But her actions spoke louder than anything. And if she wasn't this kind of girl, she wouldn't be with Derek. She wouldn't be the 'Other Girl'. But no matter what, that's what she was.

"I promise." Derek whispered, leaning in, and kissing her softly on her forehead.

She shut her eyes, trying to pretend that she didn't see the picture of Derek kissing Kendra. That he hadn't had his hand under her shirt. More desperately, she tried to pretend that she didn't care, and that it was no matter to her. That Derek was just her despised step-brother, and nothing more. That she was still Grade-Grubbing Klutzilla, and not who she was now. And who she was now was set up pain, and secret midnight kisses. And those times didn't at all compensate for the mounting emotional damage that seemed to pile higher every day.

_Because it shouldn't matter. _But it does.

_Because he shouldn't matter. _But he did.

x--

I'm pretty sure this is a oneshot, and I think it'll stay that way unless I really feel I should add to it from what you guys say about this.

Short, and pointless, but I just wanted to write it!

Please Review!

♥XO♥XO♥

HeartsHugs&Kisses

-Tarryn


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